Perfectionism Rears It's Ugly Head

by Wendy

I've spent a lot of time at church over the past 10 years or so being in charge of something. Women's groups, children's groups, youth group... I sort of like being in charge, because I get to do it my way. Not that I'm opinionated or anything. (snark!)

But recently it became time for someone else to take over my latest "in charge" project, (which was great - because it really was time!) and I found myself joining a committe that plans women's enrichment nights.

Now, if you're not a type A personality, I don't expect you to really understand this dilemma.

I went to my first committee meeting the other night, and frankly, I don't see eye to eye with the ladies in charge, or any of the other ladies on the committee. It wasn't as much about the activities they wanted to schedule. OK yes, it was. But it was more about the whole philosophy that they're working under.

See, I think that if you are going to ask people to leave their homes and families, you need to plan more than a social evening. Do I think social is necessary? Hell yes. And I think it should be included in the planning goal. But (at least for me) it is NOT the primary goal. The primary goal needs to include meaningful information to help you in your eternal progression, either with your own spirituality, your family, or serving others.

And really, I don't understand what modge-podging a saying on a board has to do with it.

It's frustrating to me.

But the question is... what do I do about it?

It's not my committee. I'm just supposed to be giving input, and helping out with whatever the leaders decide to do. So my input has been given and more or less brushed off. And now am I supposed to just get onboard with a lame-o night that's planned?

Is this a pride issue that I just need to get over - having my name associated with something that I don't really think is up to par?

I'm a much better chief. Somebody give me thoughts on learning to be a good indian.

Silence is Golden

I've got a loud co-worker. He is three rows away from me, and we are separated by a 6 foot tall partition. But I can still hear EVERY SINGLE WORD of his phone conversations.

This might not be too bad, but he does phone support. So he talks a lot.

Not to mention his calls to vendors. Where he uses every lame cliche in the book. I bet there is a list he has printed out, in case there is ever any potential for a pause in the talking. And lucky me gets to hear them all.

My job sometimes requires a certain amount of concentration, so this can be a little frustrating. But what was the event that send me over the edge?

A series of personal phone calls over 4 or 5 hours, all on the same topic, using the same propaganda, and the same "outraged" and incredulous tone. Apparently, new legislation being considered would significantly affect him. So he made sure EVERYONE knew about it. ughh.

Especially me.

Crush or be Crushed

There is this guy at work that keeps texting me. He's really great, and I enjoy our friendship, but I am curious about how other people may perceive it.

See, I am married and 35. He is 17. He calls me his big sister, and I call him my little brother. Our conversations NEVER venture into any kind of inappropriate topics, but he does ask relationship advice sometimes.

But I'm wondering if maybe he has a crush on me. That would be weird.

And I'm wondering what his mom and dad think. I kind of know them, and they seem happy he has a friend. I'm thinking that I'd be wary of a double aged friend.

He'll text many times, sometimes late at night, and during the day if we are working different schedules.

My husband thinks it's relatively harmless, and even invites him to the house from time to time to help with home repairs and to talk a little bit.


If the guy just needs someone to talk to, it's probably the least I can do, right? He's going through some tough things. But then there's the other issue. If he does have a crush on me, I really can't be his confidant. And I think that would crush him.



I want to reiterate that there is NOTHING about this relationship that seems inappropriate to me, but I'm really curious about how others perceive it.

My Daughter's Keeper

Lots of other parents have had this battle. I don't pretend like I'm the only one. Still, when it's your own child, it's more difficult to get a perspective. So maybe readers of the Anonymous blog can help me. Heaven knows I can't publish this on my own blog. I've grown really tired of stressing about this, and the people I try to talk to about it blow me off as being too worrisome.



To put the problem bluntly: I hate my daughter's new friend.


I think there are 2 attractions to the friendship. First, the girl is popular at school, so naturally being buddies with her has fringe benefits. (Who didn't see the movie "Can't Buy Me Love" with Patrick Dempsey, right?)


The second attraction is that Karina - let's call her Karina- is an only child. Translate that to mean she gets everything she wants. Literally. How many 16 year olds do you know that would get a brand new car and a personal home theater room for her birthday?



I can see why it would be fun to go over to her house. One sad puppy-eyed look in her mom's direction, and Karina has permission to go anywhere she wants, with anyone she wants. She never has to share the with anyone, plays the stereo at the loudest volume of her choosing, and never washes - or even clears- a dish from the table.


In Adultspeak, we would call Karina a spoiled brat.

In Teenspeak, chillaxin at Karina's is heaven.





Honestly, my daughter is a great kid. I'm completely bowled over by her sudden attraction to spending time with Karina.


I think that if I just let it go, she would more or less terminate the friendship on her own at some point. However. I really can't just let it go. The influences on my daughter are undeniable every time she comes home from spending time with Karina.

I've tried to entice them to spend time here, but even with promised snacks and unlimited Guitar Hero, I can't compete with a mom who allows questionable language, unlimited (unsupervised) trips to the lake house, and will buy any Blu-Ray at the drop of a hat.

I can't see any good options.

Cutting her off completely would backfire, talking and reasoning with her is out of the question- she just doesn't see the problems, and keeping the status quo is unacceptable.

Where do I go from here?

Rodent Rage

Lots of people have rodents around. They're not particularly bothersome... unless they're in a bothersome place.

There's a squirrel in my freezer.

Seriously.

My husband has declared war on the squirrels invading our vegetable garden, digging up our flowers, and encouraging the neighborhood kids to kick our trees, trying to shake them down.

One day hubby went out to check the garden, and the next thing I knew, he was standing in the front yard holding a pellet gun, whereupon the squirrels began disappearing from the yard, and the chalk tally marks began appearing on the side of our brick house.

So far, I'm good with it.

Then we had some guests over for dinner. These 2 otherwise really nice guys, said they thought it would be interesting to get a squirrel, skin it, cook it, and eat it. Just for the experience. We bantered about it a little bit, but I really didn't think they were serious.

My hubby had a different impression.

The next day, upon opening the freezer door to put away some newly purchased frozen items, I found myself looking eye to eye with a frozen squirrel. In a ziplock bag.

Hubby - - never being one to let down a guest -- had bagged one for them.

And after I stopped screaming, I *cough* calmly *cough* decided that it was going to be a cold, cold stifling hot day before I opened the freezer door again.

A very hot day.

Work slobs

Wow this is a cool idea. thanks!

Why are there so many slobs at work? Seriously, how hard is it to wipe the coffee off the counter? I'd hate to see these guys houses.

THREADED IDIOCY

More danger comes from people not understanding technology than it does from people misusing it.

A friend is getting married, so he starts a thread on facebook, asking for people's home addresses. A THREAD WITH LIKE 90 PEOPLE!!!! Ok, buddy, it was simple to send like that. but now, I get 3 or 4 emails a day with OTHER PEOPLES ADDRESSES!!! Lets ignore the naivety of the people sending their address to EVERYONE in the thread, and focus on my inconvenience. Do you know how excited I get when I see a message from facebook? It is so cool to hear from all the old friends I've reunited with. BUT SRSLY, I HATE DELETING THESE!! IT"S WORSE THAN SPAM, because at least The Honorable Huy F. Chein from Hong Kong makes me laugh while he tries to convince me I am his best bet at cashing misplaced government bonds.

You know what, I think I know what I'm gonna do the day of the wedding. I'm going "shopping." I have a whole list of people I know won't be home.

Support is a Matter of Interpretation, I guess.

-- submitted by JulieAnn

A few weeks ago, the head of our women's group at church emailed me asking if she and some members of her committee could come to my house and sit down with me on Wednesday night, say around 7pm. I let her know that the youth were putting on a big dinner that night for some of the elderly people from church, so Wednesday would not be a good time for me.

She emailed me back, telling me that Wednesdays were the nights she does visits, and could I then meet with her the following Wednesday?

Ok here's the thing-

I have a sort of high profile job at church, working in the youth program. We meet every single Wednesday night. Her own daughter attends the youth program every single Wednesday night, which is probably why she is available to make her visits on that night.
When I told her about the dinner, I was trying to gently remind her about what I do, saving her the embarrassment of appearing thoughtless.

Message not received. (In retrospect, I wonder if she thought I meant I would be attending the dinner as an "elderly" person?)

Anyway, I sent her a reply telling her I was not available any Wednesday nights, and couldn't she just call me or email me to ask whatever she needed?

To which she responded that no, she really wanted to sit down and talk. She had rearranged her schedule so that she could come on Saturday. Would 10am be all right?

Coincidentally, there was a youth service project scheduled for Saturday morning, so no, that would not work either. I felt kind of bad that she had already rearranged her schedule, but she did it before asking me, so what could I do?

Still, I felt bad.

The following Sunday, upon meeting her in the hall at church, she made a remark to someone standing by her about my lack of availability to meet with her. I'm pretty sure she was trying to be funny, but it came off awkward and fell flat.

"How about today?" I asked. "Let's just do it right now."

She begrudgingly agreed, and pulled me into a side room to ask me her big mysterious question that could not be asked by phone or email.

"How are you doing? And how can we support you better?"

cricket.............cricket.............cricket............

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A Checker's Game

I was reading a blog I follow, and the checkout game was mentioned. Maybe you've heard of it? The clerk tries to guess what is going on based on what the customer is buying?

I remember a night about 2 months after my first child was born. It was 11:30, and the only open store was a CVS. I set my purchases on the counter, and realized that it may look a little strange.

1 small bottle of KY Jelly
1 small pack of condoms
1 bottle of vegetable oil
1 carton of Nestle Dibz

Doosh of the Year Award

--submitted by Jane

Doosh

• A deliberate misspelling of "douche" intended to convey the novice nature of conduct that does not even rise to the level worth of being characterized by the term "douche."
• When a person is such a douche that spelling the word traditionally does not begin to describe how much of a douche they are.
• A douche, but spelled as if it were a nerf product.

My brother Fred has been gone on a mission for a while now. He doesn't get to call home often, so when he does we all spend several hours talking to him.

He called home recently, and after he had spoken to everyone, he asked for Peter, our younger brother. Peter was in the shower, so he said bye. Fred got one more chance to call a few hours later, and he asked to talk to Peter again. Fred really wanted a chance to say hi.

Peter said he was to busy.

This seriously almost made me cry.

So congratulations, younger brother of mine, Peter. You have won the Most Giant and Incredible Doosh of the Year Award.

I hope it was worth it.

An argument against home schooling

--submitted by Chet

One of the most potent arguments against home schooling comes from watching home schooled children interact socially with others.

Case on Point: a true story with names changed

Characters
Tony, a sixteen year old guy, all around pretty cool and good looking
Mary, a seventeen year old girl, pretty cool and very attractive
Mark, a fourteen year old guy, homeschooled, but not bad lookingme, an adult who knows all parties reasonably well

Tony, Mary and I were having a pleasant conversation. There is a little boy/girl tension in the air because Tony and Mary used to "go out." We are all laughing and having fun. Mark sidles up to the group, and kind of becomes a participant in the conversation.

Then, out of the blue, Mark brings everything to a screeching halt with this declaration; "I've had a colonoscopy two times, once from each end."

As I try to grasp what just happened, Mary turns red and leaves immediately. Tony kind of awkwardly chuckles, and then disappears a soon as possible.

Now I know that they don't explicitly teach in school "Don't discuss your colorectal procedures."
However, I maintain that this social snafu would have been avoided by most kids who have spent time with peers in a school setting.

That's all I'm trying to say.